Good afternoon my fine fellows🪻💜
March 22nd, 2026
For those of you keeping up, you may have noticed I broke protocol today. *scandalized gasp* by writing to you during the noonish hours (EST) instead of before or around midday. *tires screech* Yes, today I decided to…go with the flow. *howling scream*
Okay, I am being dramatic, but seriously, it is so very hard to break mt schedule. But as I mentioned during my last post…this rigidity needs to stop. I’m over-calculating, overcorrecting, and just plainly overdoing it and it has to stop. Not only do I feel burnout and overall fatigue to do anything, but I’ve landed myself in a rut. I’ve locked myself in my own cage and tossed the key somewhere I can’t remember. Because I’ve got brain fog. It’s a mess – and generally, of my own doing.
Balance is just not something I’ve ever learned. Not really. But I am working on it…
Like today. I forbade myself from following my usual schedule and broke routine. I even went to the movies. The movie was trash, but I left the house. I even almost skipped on cleaning! But I couldn’t…because I want to do it all!!
I have forgotten how to live off schedule. It seems in aiming for discipline, I forgot how to…live? It’s like I have little faith in believing i will get things done without micromanaging myself. Woof. That sucks.
But today was my first step in winging it? I allowed myself to venture off schedule a little because it’s not like I don’t know what I need to get done – or that deep, deep down I do believe I’ll get it done – it’s that I can’t get myself to feel it. I know one thing, but feel another.
And it’s like that for most things, actually. I want to, need to do this, but I don’t feel like it. My heart just can’t catch up to my dreams. My desires.
Still, if my body is saying “not so fast”, though, then “not so fast” must be. C’est I will. C’est I won’t. C’est la vie.
I hope to find my flow. My pace. A healthy rhythm that helps me move along like a wave that gently lifts me towards my goals. I just hope I can find the right surfboard…
If I figure it out, I’ll keep you posted. Catch a wave dudes. 🤙🌊
💜
Nessa Grey
P.S. Crows befriending is still a work in progress.
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